On transitions big and small
and why it's sometimes okay to read the comments section
Hello to my new subscribers! I’m so glad you’re here. Here are a few places to start reading if you’d like to see what you’ve gotten yourself into:
Once Upon a Time at Prospect Street
Many of you came by way of Cup of Jo, which is, in case you don’t know, the loveliest corner of the internet. The first thing I learned when I started publishing my writing online is “never read the comments.” Well, when it comes to Cup of Jo, absolutely read the comments! When I published an essay about my mother-in-law Annette there last year, Annette was very ill. I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to be able to read some of the comments to her. It brought her so much joy at a very hard time.
The essay I published last week was about my experience sending my youngest child to Kindergarten. I stress the words “my experience” here because of course this transition looks different for everyone. For me, sending Oliver off to full-day school sent me into a full-on existential tailspin since I had spent the previous decade mostly out of the paid workforce (I did teach preschool part-time for four years but my focus still felt very much home-based). It’s such a tricky conversation, and one I worked hard to get kinda-sorta right knowing that my perspective and even the perspectives of the people I spoke with represented only a teeny tiny portion of the complex soup of human experience.
But wow do the comments blow me away. People of all ages talking about work and money and parenting and marriage and whether or not to have another kid and what to do now that their kids are grown and they’ve been out of the workforce for so long. I love the way people talk to each other in the comments, sharing their experiences and giving each other little pep talks. Be sure to check it out.
Three years ago, when my daughter started going to private school and my youngest son was still in public (my oldest was in college), everyone in my family started having different “spring” breaks. In public school, there was a week off in February and one in April. Private school had two weeks in the middle of March. My college kid had a week in March, which was usually a different one from his sister. What I’m saying is we stopped being able to go anywhere together as a family. (I know boo hoo poor us.)
That first year, facing the February-in-New-England blues, I decided to take my youngest son to a sunny island resort for four days, just the two of us. That same year, my husband took the two oldest kids on an East Coast road trip. We discovered it was great traveling with different permutations of kids so we decided to do it again this year (last year was sort of a bust because my book came out in February).
So this year, my husband took Oliver to London for four days over his February break and two weeks ago I took Ellie to London for four days! We both had great fun, and also completely different experiences. (Sam is off in Romania with a couple of college buddies). I find it’s so much easier to travel when there are only two of you as opposed to give (easier to find a hotel, a table at a restaurant, a taxi etc). And it can be hard to balance the needs of a big group, and I sometimes end up feeling like my kids are all assholes (they’re not).
Anyway, I guess it’s another example of adjusting to the transitions that come with time and making the best of them. It won’t be long before they’re all too busy and fancy to travel with us (although I’m not sure about that—I would have travelled with my parents forever given the chance).
Recent reads: The Bee Sting by Paul Murray, The Critic's Daughter by Priscilla Gilman, Sandwich by Catherine Newman (out this summer), Grief is For People by Sloane Crosley (love the cover too) and Shark Heart: A Love Story by Emily Habeck.
Currently reading: Day by Michael Cunningham.
Listening to: Wellness by Nathan Hill
We are having a blast in my Tuesday morning writing sessions. Come join us, why don’t ya? More info here and reach out anytime with questions.
So great to read your follow up thoughts here on the Cup of Jo piece. And I agree on the comments there-- yes so thoughtful and worthy of tons of discussion.
Daisy! I LOVVVVEEEED your book. It really rocked my world and made me think about that period of my life in a hard but healing way and it was just… tremendous. Found my way to your newsletter via Cup of Jo. So glad to have found it!
I’m heading out for a trip with just my daughters, no husband for spring break which on the surface feels like… all work, no play, but I think to your point - even removing ONE stakeholder can open up different possibilities, even if it is another functioning adult.